The Good Enough Parent
by The School of Life
Mezy Fadhila
November 30, 2021
Self-Help
Core idea:
Children do not need perfect parents.
They need parents who are emotionally present, honest, and capable of repair.
Key arguments:
Parenting inevitably involves failure, frustration, and limitation.
Emotional mistakes are not damaging if they are acknowledged and repaired.
Over-protection and perfectionism can be as harmful as neglect.
Discipline should involve firmness without humiliation.
Parents’ own unresolved emotional histories strongly shape how they parent.
Social context:
Modern parenting is made harder by capitalism, time scarcity, and productivity pressures.
The expectation to be endlessly patient, available, and successful is unrealistic.
Takeaway:
“Good enough” parenting builds resilience, not fragility.
Children grow through imperfection, not through flawless care.
What I Loved
Balance in parenting
Parenting requires holding both sides at once: being playful and warm, while also being firm enough to say no. Fun without limits, or authority without warmth, both leave something essential missing. The book shows how imbalance—either way—creates gaps that children carry with them.
Accepting life as it is
Life cannot be managed by constant busyness or distraction. We cannot protect children from sorrow by keeping them endlessly occupied. Instead, we should help them recognise the joy life can offer, while also being honest about its difficulties. This honesty is what allows children to develop resilience, because life is simply the way it is.
Emotional attunement and validation
When children are clingy, we should allow ourselves to be close. When they are fragile, we should be willing to mourn with them. Their fears and urgencies may seem small to adults, but they are real to the child. By validating these emotions, we help fill their emotional world, so they grow strong enough to face life with resilience.
Letting go of perfection
It is acceptable—not harmful—not to be ideal. In fact, striving for perfection often creates deeper problems. Being a “good enough” parent is enough. Parents should not be too hard on themselves, because imperfection is not failure; it is part of healthy parenting.
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